The time is coming for my sweet girl to come into this world. Like, we are in the single digits. I never thought I'd be here! During these last few weeks, my brain has been racing with some rational and some irrational thoughts. Add these crazy ideas to my constant need to nest and you have a MAD WOMAN!
Here's what has been on my mind lately:
- Andrew gave me sweet snuggles one night and said, "I feel like I will lose a little part of you." It made me sad, and I cried but didn't let him see. I know that Claire will change some things, but I hope that we do a good job of bringing her into our already existing relationship. A relationship that has been JUST OURS for almost 9 years! Sometimes I just want to look at him. He still melts me.
- My overwhelming feeling to meet (my own) expectations. I know a lot of people with babies. We have a lot of ideas of how we want things to go with our daughter. I hope that I can realize that we are our own family. We will have to modify and adjust to what is right for us. I don't want to beat myself up over something that is OK to not succeed at. (My biggest thing is the desire to breastfeed. I really want that to go well!!)
- I'm starting to feel overwhelmed about not knowing when she will come. I've never been one for surprises. I go to bed every night wondering if it's "the night". I also pray every night for a good nights rest or at least a good nap if she does decide to come. I pray for a healthy and safe delivery and baby. I thank the Lord for the most amazing 9 months of my entire life so far.
- I am also a control freak. I feel like that sentence needed to be typed. I am so worried about other people sharing the fact that she's been born that I really let it bother me! I just think it's so tacky when other people announce any form of big news via social media before the people that are different effected. There are certain pics that I would love to have from the delivery room that I've stressed Andrew out about it...among many MANY other things! I just need to LET. IT. GO.
- Just read this....http://m.huffpost.com/us/
- Missing her once she's not in my belly anymore. This is where the crazy kicks in. I think I might be the only pregnant person on the planet that might prefer to stay pregnant. I looooooooove it. Selfishly, I like the fact that I'm the only person that knows her other than God. I know (generally) what she's doing and what makes her wiggle. I know when she has the hiccups and when she's trying to stretch out. I know she's safe. I will absolutely miss not having her with me 100% of the time, but I know that having her in my arms will be 1000x better!!! If I love her this much in the womb, I can't even begin to think about what I will feel when I see her for the first time. I'm crying thinking about it.
- Anal about others holding her and germs... Let's talk about flu season. That's when my kid is coming. If I tell you to sanitize before you hold her, just do it. Also, if I don't let you hold her, just go ahead and call me the crazy first time mom.
- I want her to be a friendly baby. Once I get over the germaphobic what-not, I actually want other people to hold my kid. I want her to be well adjusted and pleasant to be around!
- Is induction right? Am I selfish in asking to be induced? (more on this topic to come)
There have been plenty of other things on my mind as well. I have cleaned and/or straightened up every day. There is no laundry to do. The dishes are washed. All of her stuff is cleaned or washed. Brody is clean and brushed. Bags are packed. Christmas is up. We are as ready as we will ever be!
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