This is been the most popular phrase used in the Curtis household since August 2013.
After being married 4 years and Andrew's law school career coming to an end, we finally reached the PERFECT time to start a family. We were textbook: happily married and enjoying lots of time just the 2 of us, we travel whenever and wherever, I am set in my job starting my 5th year of teaching, we have money in the bank, maternity benefits with insurance had made it through the "pre existing" year mark so we are in the clear, Andrew is finishing law school in December and taking the Bar Exam in February of 2014 - as long as i waited to make sure that we weren't having a baby between January and March, we would be good. to. go.
I can hear God saying "tisk, tisk. You don't control your life Meredith." Ouch.
Feel free to skip and go straight to the end. It's about periods, so there's that. (also, it's long)...
I had been on birth control for several years to deal with acne and irregular period (red flag). Since I was on the pill for so long my periods are practically non existent. I never bought any type of feminine product...didn't need to (red flag). I addressed this with my OBGYN at all of my yearly appointments. She assured me it was fine and typical of someone who had been on the pill for so long. So I celebrated, "I'm just fine and I get to live life with out a monthly visit from Aunt Flo...yippee!"
In April of '13 I went for my yearly visit and talked all things making babies. I had read a book called "what to expect BEFORE you're expecting". I am happy that I read it. Others think it's too much...tit for tat. In May, my insurance year had cleared (we had to pay on a maternity plan for a year before we could get pregnant) and I was ready to get off that dern pill. I felt like a new woman! Can I get an amen?!? The doc said that it might take several months to get my regular period back, so that's what I expected...NOPE! Come my time in May- the regular 28 days, there was nothing you could do to stop the crimson tide (like I said, TMI). I was so happy! Period=ovulation. In June, it was a 36 day cycle which is a little long. Yes, I thought I could be pregnant. Took a test on our beach trip and that was a negative so I just waited. I wasn't too bummed because the baby would be due in March and that's a little close to the Bar Exam. I started and I was happy again, Period = ovulation!
Then there is July and August. The worst months ever. July was the official "green light" to start making babies. I was charting this and noting that. We were on a schedule. I don't know how many times I said "I better be pregnant!" Or "maybe it's because I'm pregnant!" 30 days pass...nothing. I have to test in New York while staying with my pregnant friend and dreaming about our babies playing together. We come home, 35 days pass...nothing. I call the doctor and have to talk with a nurse who does NOT work with my OBGYN. This nurse kept telling me "wait until this day and call back". Called back on day 37. "Wait until day 40 and call us back." Called back on day 40. "Call us back in 2 days if you haven't started and we will give you a pill to start your period and restart a cycle." I. Was. Furious. They didn't care and frankly, they didn't seem like they knew what they were talking about! On day 42 or 43 I called and I said "I NEED to talk to Dr. H's nurse. Not Dr. G's!!" They connected me. I told this nurse my situation and she said "this isn't normal, you need to come in." THANK YOU!!! I went on one day (42 or 43) to do blood work to prove that I wasn't pregnant. I went on day 44 to have a vaginal ultrasound and speak with Dr. H. The ultrasound tech didn't say much. That was fun. She looked at both ovaries and my uterus. You know that I was sitting there daydreaming about it being a baby on the screen (I also secretly hoped that she would see a baby and prove the blood work wrong). I left that room and went to a patient room.
Dr. H came in and was pleasant as always. She did some good small talk and then said, "you have something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome." Umm...excuse me? Out comes the ultrasound pics and she draws a diagram. "Your ovaries are not producing eggs. You have lots of tiny cyst follicles in both ovaries that will not mature. If a follicle doesn't mature, you don't ovulate." Guess what, you have to ovulate to have a baby. I was crushed. All I kept thinking was that my lifelong dream of becoming a mother was never going to happen. I panic. She proceeded to tell us our options. 1. Start on a medication called clomid that will help to mature these follicles/eggs or 2. wait it out. If you know me, you should know that it did not take me long to say "let's get started on that clomid!" She told me about the process of coming in for more ultrasounds and getting hormone shots for triggering ovulation. I was up for anything.
Since it had been 44 days since my last period, she told me to count my first clomid pill as day 3 of a brand new cycle. I took 50mg of clomid for 4 days, and then we started the "process". More on this process and the effect of clomid in my next post.
Never in my life have I been challenged like this. During the months of May-August 15,683 people told me they were pregnant and "It happened on the first try!" I could slap them in the face...joking (but seriously). Also, I was rushing to these appointments during the first week of school...that was fun. I hate to hear people say "this is God's plan for you". I honestly do not think that my wonderful and loving God wants me to be suffering this way. I DO however think that he will bring me through it. He will help me use this situation to help others and glorify him (maybe through this post), but I'm going to be honest with you...I need prayer. I'm pretty down. I've wanted my own baby since I was old enough to know what a baby is. Soon it will be my turn!
(This post written in Dec. 2013)
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