You know what's hard? Deciding when to tell people about your "situation". You get to a point when everyone you come into contact with asks when you will start a family, and you want to say something, but you don't. I am the type of person that loves to know all the details about everyone I know, therefore I want to tell all the details about me, but this is personal, private and embarrassing. Sometimes I tell people and I walk away from the conversation thinking "why in the world did I just tell them that?" Other times I talk to people and leave feeling refreshed and confident that they will think about us and pray for us. No matter who I talk to, it's admitting a flaw and that's hard to do. It's telling people that you can't do the ONE THING that only a woman can do. My name is Meredith, and I am infertile. I can't make a family. I don't work. It sucks.
There have been so many times that I have read amazing articles about what it feels like to be an infertile woman, and I've prepared to "share" these things via social media for all to see, and I stop. Sometimes I stop because I think I'm being selfish and want people to worry about me. Sometimes I'm embarrassed. Sometimes I just don't want to be that person that puts all of my personal thoughts on social media...
I don't think that I will be able to keep this information in forever and never talk about it. I honestly think The Lord is putting me through this to share and possibly help others some day. When I decide to share, I hope it is in a positive but completely honest way. I want people who are fertile to know what it's like to be completely opposite. I want people who have not yet started to try for a family know that your plans don't always turn out the way you think they're supposed to, but they turn out the RIGHT way for you. I want other infertile women to have something to read that might be similar to how they're feeling or someone to talk to.
If you're ever wondering what I really feel like, read this post. It's perfectly written and I don't feel like I should try and write something different because it's exactly how I feel. Please don't confuse my good mood with happiness or contentment. 90% of the time my smile is just there to get me through the day without a million "are you feeling ok" questions.
- http://natepyle.com/the-
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