**This is your warning: There is some language involved…like I said, real life.
First, what is clomid?
Clomid is the medication that I took to help "grow an egg". In reality, clomid is the devil's medicine. This medicine starts out nice and sweet, and slowly turns into your husbands worst nightmare. When I got on this medicine, I made sure to research as much as I could. I'm not kidding when I say there were online articles and journals titled "I hate clomid", "crazy on clomid", "why my husband left me: clomid". Needless to say, I was pumped to start taking it! (insert sarcastic tone) My first month was a breeze. Even with the stress of starting school, I was just fine. October was a different story. I completely decided that God was not on my side. He hated me. He left me. He's punishing me... Dear bless, October was not a good month. In the next months I struggled with my feelings getting hurt. Mostly by Andrew. For no reason. I was also hateful to everyone, and let me just tell you, that gets you nowhere. I also became even more dramatic. That's a lot of drama.
Remember how I said that October was a horrible month? Here's what happened during that month:
This is my PSA: don't start clipping coupons while taking this medicine.
Here is my experience:
It was a Sunday morning. Andrew and I had gone to the doctor to check on my egg follicle growth. We were told that I had no growth. We were charged almost $400 (and if you remember from the previous post, I was convinced that God despised me, and this day didn't help). We went home. I wept in the bed for hours.
When I decided to get out of the bed, I thought "what could take my mind off of this? I know! Couponing and price matching! Let's go!" I spent 3 hours. Three. Making my list and searching for coupons and price matches for items on my list. Three. I went to Walmart and spent 2 hours searching for said coupon related items (you know, certain brand and size). Two. It was time to check out. My buggy was filled to the brim. I had at least $100 worth of savings resting in my hand in the form of printed coupons. The cashier rings up my items and I tell her the ones to price match. Those were denied because I didn't get the same size as in the add. Dag-nab-it. She finishes ringing me up. It was $300 something. I hand her those glorious coupons just waiting to see the numbers decline and my spirits rise... She says "umm, ma'am. These won't work." Say what now!?!? What did YOU SAY?!?!? Shaujdbekdnie**&&$$$**####
I forced the woman to take things off of my receipt. I forced the line of 15 people behind me to wait. I vowed to never shop at Walmart again and I absolutely will never coupon again. I ran to the car. I Called Andrew, and that conversation is kind of a blur...I cussed a lot. I screamed a lot. I cried a whole lot.
When I got home, that sweet man of mine was waiting in the garage. He gave me the best hug while I cried about those damn coupons and sent me back to bed. Bless him.
**I have restored my faith in The Lord since this terrible awful day and I have indeed been back to Walmart...still no coupons.**
Remember that time I said that my feelings were getting hurt easily, especially by Andrew? Here is a lovely example of my reaction to him one time. Once again, real life.
"Me- you know what would make me happier, a puppy!
A- absolutely not.
Me- you can't keep me from getting one, so it's going to happen.
A- (a little louder) no! It's not!
Me- (sounding like the hulk mixed with a possessed dragon) yes! It! Is!!!!!!!
A- stop, no it's not!
Me-(with tears streaming down my face) If you don't let me get a puppy then I AM NOT going to your family Christmas!!!!"
Note: we were leaving our house to go to his family Christmas.
Second note: I went to our room, started to unpack my bag, and laid on the bed to watch tv and cried my eyes out.
You think I'm kidding…
We did in fact go to family Christmas. We did not get a puppy. We switched to Femara the next month.
Thank you Jesus, that I am D.O.N.E. with that medicine. I write this as another reminder to women wondering if they should start medical treatments for fertility. It's rough. It's worth it to see progress, but it's rough. Femara is much better, but it's much more expensive.
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